What is ‘Family Constellation’ therapy?
Developed by German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger, constellations look at the unconscious, often destructive, loyalties within families causing pain. According to him, nearly all pains come from some type of separation.
There are three principles called the ‘orders of love’ that are responsible for how we live and thrive. The orders of love are not rules in the sense of what it should be done. A tree grows according to a certain order, but not in response to rules. When those orders are respected, there are solutions for problems and when they are not, symptoms appear. We become ill, may develop ongoing relationship patterns, fail to thrive financially or even achieve success.
Family constellations is a method of making hidden dynamics in a family visible. Only facts concerning the family are relevant:
- Who died?
- Who was ill?
- Who left?
- Who was excluded?
Movements, feelings and reactions allow these hidden dynamics to come out into the open and facilitate the healing. First it reveals the dynamics that are contributing to the ‘dis-ease’ or suffering of the family. The second stage is to find the movement and statements that can bring resolution and healing. When these symptoms that point to the past generations are acknowledged, the client stops being the symptom bearer. A sense of peace and autonomy is restored.
The consultation consists primarily of a patient bringing to light any kind of pressing issue which the therapist then finds its roots and essentially resolves it. This can be done within a group workshop or private session.
My first experience with this therapy occurred in 2018 as my mother introduced me to a therapist whom I did a private session with online. The main thing that I gained from it was strengthening my mental state, particularly resolving my co-dependency and low self-esteem issues. From that the top 3 changes that happened shortly after were me moving into a bigger apartment, starting new work in teaching and overcoming most of a physical health problem that I was facing at the time.
On top of this, I fixed the strained relationship with my mum which even led to us vacationing together to five different countries within that year and having a close bond ever since. Additionally, my relationship with my father improved as well, since we now visibly spend more time together while exploring new places. Plus, constant contact through phone calls became a new norm with my grandfather and uncle from my mother’s side, who I had lost contact with for at least 10 years previously. All the while, speaking to my grandmother from my father’s side over phone calls and visiting her became a noticeably more frequent act. I had a similar outcome with my step-father as we now call each other for a good catch up at least once a week which we never did prior to me attending these therapy sessions.
My mother, Christina Bucher, became a qualified and successful Family Constellation therapist. She travels across the globe doing workshops and has helped a huge amount of people that had extremely seemingly complicated problems with improving their lives while having her skills positively compared to those of Bert Hellinger’s himself. I am personally in awe of them as well especially by the unbelievable results that she aids her patients to achieve. A lady who had been bed bound for many years due to experiencing depression, suddenly stood up with a burst of energy to move on with her life a few moments after completing a private session with her. This stunned me the most while during group workshops people’s unexpected reactions absolutely fascinated me.
So far, I gladly managed to join three of her group workshops, one being in Lisbon, the other in Paris and another in Frankfurt. I came out of every one of her workshops feeling lighter and relieved. It was amazing to see how ancestral healing found the cause of my issues and to realise we carry baggage from past generations which can be resolved. Currently, as I recognise different destructive patterns in my life, I attempt to resolve them through the use of this therapy and sometimes combine it with other alternative ones that I know of and learn about.
Since then, my relationship with the father of my children has improved drastically! We speak to each other through video calls with our children present to bond at least once a week and he began to constantly pay child maintenance which never happened prior to this without an enormous amount of pestering from my part and court orders. I even have a really friendly connection with his current girlfriend who I resented due to her having a secret affair with him which was the end cause of our breakup. Our children and her one also adore calling each other on Whatsapp video calls now with us present! His mother and I also bettered our relationship as I voiced my concerns to her over phone calls, we both acknowledged plus apologised to each other for negative behaviours towards one another and she calls on video to bond with our children more often than she did. She also even came from England to visit the children in Switzerland with their grandad during the Christmas period in 2019.
Moreover, I began to study a Masters in International Relations at the Queen Mary University of London and have written plus published three poetry books. I feel that by participating in these Family Constellation sessions my professional life has largely improved as well as the relationships within my family.
Through experiencing and witnessing so many unbelievable results that I feel so grateful for, I definitely recommend anyone to schedule a WhatsApp or Skype consultation with Christina Bucher through:
In the case that she is overbooked, you can also simply do a general research on platforms such as Google for another Family Constellation therapist, who may be local to your area.
Here are some suggested books to read on this subject:
‘Family Constellations A Practical Guide to Uncovering the Origins of Family Conflict’ by Joy Manne and Bert Hellinger.
‘Constellations familiales Comprendre les mécanismes des pathologies familiales’ by Bert Hellinger and Gabriele ten Hövel.